Never Again
by Going Over the Moon
Summary: They loved each other, but didn't hold on. Previously pulished under the name theatergirl3
1. Chapter 1

**I love Mark/Maureen to death, so this is Maureen's thoughts on him. I do not own either of them, but how cool would that be?!**

**I'm new to the site, and if anyone would like to explain to me how the whole beta thing works, it would be greatly appreciated!!!**

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I did love him, despite what others might have thought. My Mark. I loved everything about him, his smile, his shyness. I loved how he would open up sometimes, and you would get a peek at who he his. But then he would remember himself and close back up again. I couldn't read him like I could other people. He was always a mystery to me. Other people thought about how I looked. I know he thought about that too, but when he looked at me, he looked at me, not my chest. He seemed to look right through to my soul, and it made me feel vulnerable, and I didn't like that. That's why I cheated on him. I needed the control, to be empowered. I wanted him to get mad at me, so we could scream and yell, and I could conquer him. But he never did. When I came home at night smelling like cologne, he wouldn't do that. He would just look at me with those sad eyes, and beg me to be careful. He told me that he loved me, but I was never sure. I loved him, I was besotted, and it scared me. I was used to flings, to waking up in bed with someone and not remembering how I got there. But what he gave ma was so much more. He made me whole again, and I didn't want to be. I knew I was breaking his heart, but I had to so mine would remain intact. Ha. My heart was never intact. It shattered a long time ago, and I planned for it to stay that way. But he healed me. He made me better.

When I met Joanne, she was my escape. And it felt so right when I was with her. April was dead, Roger struggling to abandon heroin, and Mark was trying desperately not to lose him. I didn't think that he noticed when I was gone. When I left him, I thought I was starting again. Was I wrong. Even when I was with Joanne, he never left my thoughts. When I closed my eyes, his stared at me from behind my lids. He haunted my dreams. So I tried to pull that cliché let's-be-friends thing. Of course he fell for it. I told myself that it would be enough, but of course it wasn't. I would sit on the couch wrapped in Joanne's warm embrace and long to be in his. I wanted him to be mine, but he had moved on. And I would never get him again.

So? thoughts? Review please! PLEASE. You have no idea how much joy even one review gives me. Even if you think it's crap, tell me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Let's try Mark's thoughts on Maureen.**

They would look at me staring at her, and tease me. When they would do this, my thought process would go something like this..

_Wow, now what am I thinking?_

Or maybe

_Thank you Captain Obvious._

Really. Of course I was in love with her. Roger would sometimes step out of character, tell me that I would get over it, that he had lost girls too. Well, his girl didn't dump him for a girl. And he doesn't have to watch her make out with said girl.

It's not like I haven't tried to give up on her. I would think about how she would always cheat, of the bitter arguments. But then visions of her kiss, of her laugh, of when she would tell me she loved me. It melted me, and she wasn't even in the room.

Whenever we would have a fight, I used to braid her hair. Somehow, It would always calm her down when I did that. And she would sit in my lap and kiss me, and everything would be alright. Maybe that's part of the reason we didn't work out. We never spoke about what was wrong, and nothing ever got fixed. And of course the whole cheating thing. But that kind of goes unsaid, don't you think?

But Maureen is clearly beyond over me. I don't think she was really ever in love with me. But now, she's trying to set me up on blind dates. I got three numbers. One girl just got out of prison. Another was the Reincarnation of the Goddess, who thought my soul was in danger. And the other was a psychiatrist who wanted to put me on Prozac. But I never stopped thinking about her. She was the first thing that I thought of when I woke up, and then last thing before I went to sleep. Then she would haunt my dreams, and the cycle would begin again when I woke up. The only time I wasn't thinking about her was when I was worrying about Roger and his habit of forgetting his AZT. So I immersed myself in film making, which helped. But in the process of forgetting, I was isolating myself from my friends, friends who I don't have enough time with as it is. I'm caught between two hells, wearing different clothes. And I don't see a way out. Not without her in my arms again.

**So? Thoughts? Review PLEASE**


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